Fallen Haven - Page 2

Fallen Haven

Post just about everything that isn't directly related to Spring here!

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Zoombie
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Joined: 15 Mar 2005, 07:08

Post by Zoombie »

I'm reading. Its got a few rough spots though.
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Maelstrom
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Joined: 23 Jul 2005, 14:52

Post by Maelstrom »

Tis alright so far, just try to write more in one post. Reading in little snippets like this doesnt really give a good idea of the story. Keep at it, it can only get better.
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CompWiz
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Joined: 16 Apr 2006, 04:20

Post by CompWiz »

OMG i can fit an entire post on my screen!!!!!

dont think a bout that with zoombies storys...

other then that its prity good
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Zoombie
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Post by Zoombie »

I'm not sure what to make of what ComWiz just said...


But good work on this story, despite the bitesizedness of it. Try just writing three episodes and smashing them into one big one.
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Snipawolf
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Post by Snipawolf »

lol, You called em episodes, I think I'll call em paragraphs :P
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CompWiz
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Post by CompWiz »

it was 1:30 AM
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Snipawolf
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Post by Snipawolf »

William was lying down at the infirmary, he awoke with a start, and was worried about how everything was. He looked around the room at the nurses hurrying about to the moaning men, everything was too white for his taste so he just closed his eyes for a few minutes and tried to remember his fight with the general. William thought "That bastard was tough, he must've been the strongest scavenger I've ever fought... They must have been under somebodies command..." William winced in pain as he tried to move his right arm, which had a nasty gash on it... His right arm must've been broken, because he could hardly move it... The rest of him was relatively okay-ish, his left arm was bruised up from blocking... William closed his eyes for a few seconds and overheard some talk... Soldier: Hey, is Sir William up yet, I have a message for him! A nurse hurried over and told him to talk quieter... William sat up, wincing and pain and said "Yeah, let me see..." The soldier walked over and handed the message to William, William used his teeth to open it, not wanting to use his right arm... The letter said

Sir William, you are being informed that you have earned two new badges, Silver Star of Courage and Gold Star of Heroism, for killing many scavengers and a general.
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Snipawolf
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Post by Snipawolf »

And now a new element is added into the play, or just one you all didn't know of yet :wink:

As Jake walked through the corridor, he was shunned by the other people standing around him... Jake was not liked and thought to be irregular. Everybody called him a Prodigy, a name for something different from a regular human.. Jake was 16, had tealish colored hair, and always wore a green robe. Suddenly somebody jumped up behind him and pushed him to the ground, and yelled "Freak!" The sound of crackling filled the air, and Jake turned around and punched the guy, who was a little older than him... Electricity blew a hole through his stomach and out his back, blood flew everywhere and continued to gush until there was none left, several organs were laying on the ground... Jake was a prodigy, he could use certain attacks to deal with his enemies... In this case, its apparent that he controls electricity. Jake dashed off before everyone fully realized what had just happened...

Sir William was enjoying a walk and a kid with tealish colored hair and a green robe ran past him.. William yelled "Kid, get over here!" Jake stopped and turned around, meekishly walking to the general. Jake asked "Sir?" William replyed "Ahhh, the new prodigy. Try not to kill too many people, it seems they can't accept things that are different... What do you specialize in?" Jake conversed "I control the flow of electricity, and uhmm, I already killed some guy that pushed me down..." William said "Okay, I will go see if he has a chance to live." Jake replyed "He doesn't, I blew a hole through his stomach." William said "Okay, I hope your talents are as good in the field as they are in the complex, we need soldiers that aren't scared to fight," and gave Jake a pat on the back.
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CompWiz
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Post by CompWiz »

wow cool

i like it
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Snipawolf
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Post by Snipawolf »

Good ta see ya like it :-)
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Zoombie
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Post by Zoombie »

Good to see that its good to see that its good that he likes it.

So there!
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Snipawolf
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Post by Snipawolf »

Thats not gunna trick me :P

I will not get confused...
Last edited by Snipawolf on 09 Sep 2006, 03:22, edited 1 time in total.
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Zoombie
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Post by Zoombie »

Whatever. Just keep writing it.
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Snipawolf
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Post by Snipawolf »

I do have modelling and texturing to do....
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Snipawolf
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Post by Snipawolf »

So, I haven't been working much on this :P

It actually fell pretty far behind..

Ahh well, time to begin..


In the Complex

Jake thought to himself "So, I get to work under the famed General William, eh. Maybe people will look up to me now." "Raid-EE-Oh-Active," rolled off Jake's tongue. Jake thought "What a weird word, was that actually what gave me this power?" Jake strapped his leather on and thought about how useful it was, not too heavy, not too weak, just perfect. A horrendous tremor shook the room and Jake fell to the floor. "The hell?" muttered Jake angrily. Jake got to his feet and hurriedly finished with his armor, then dashed to the briefing room.
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Candleman
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Post by Candleman »

Oh, My posts are short...
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Snipawolf
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Post by Snipawolf »

Sure has been a while, eh? I will try to make it long..

In the Brief Room

Jake opened the door while hearing another loud crash. "What the fuck is happening!?" Jake growled. One of the men sitting in the room explained how some of the gunpowder stores went off. "What is gunpowder?" questioned Jake. "It is an explosive powder, when you light it, with fire, it combusts," explained the man. "Gunpowder has quite a probability of having very destructive and powerful uses in the future, it has many uses for weaponry," continued the man. William slammed the door open and exclaimed "Come on Jake, I was wondering where you were. We are going to raid a caravan. It has reports of gunpowder and weapons, but it only has a few soldiers to guard it! You are to stay away from the caravan, you might set the gunpowder, but feel free to mop a couple of guards up."

Jake was perched atop a rock, waiting for the sentry to return. A young man with a quiver of arrows, red hair, a young face, and a bow came hurtling over one of the many hills. He huffily said "Jake, the caravan is about 150 feet from this location. It's moving pretty slow, it'll be here in a short while." Jake zapped the small fuse. He watched the little trail burning, then when it reached the destination, an extremely loud snap was heard. Jake had a feeling the snap was some gunpowder going off. William and the rest of the squad got to their hiding places.

Jake heard the trundling of wheels and the complaining neys of horses. He pulled his bow and a few arrows out. Using a copper wire attached to an arrow, he could propel his energy through it and into his targets. "Hey, men, be on the ready, our scouts reported some interesting information about this place. Watch the cliffs, okay?" came from around the corner. Jake knocked an arrow and readied to fire. He saw a couple of horses and a few guards coming from around the turn. "Wait, wait, wait," he thought to himself. The cart came around, and another one, and finally one more.

"NOW!" roared William. William jumped from the top of the cliff, a mere 6 foot fall, and brought his axe down through a guard who was standing near the cliff. It severed the guard's head and torso in half, William yanked it out with a bloody sucking sound. Jake fired one of his arrows into the middle guard of three, then followed up with a ruthless charge of energy. The guard's armor made the electricity bounce amongst the three. The smoking and crackling of the guards was over decently fast. A guard charged at William with a spear. "Too slow!" William said as he parried the spear with his axe, then did a twirl with his axe and smashed it visciously into the guard's neck, severing his head from his body completely. Blood was hellishly flying out of his neck. William had it splattered all over his armor. The next guard running up tripped over his fallen comrade's head. William laughed out loud for a few seconds, then brought the axe down upon the guard's back, mangling and destroying his spine.

"Good job team," William joyously said. William took control of the horses and brought them down to the complex.
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Zoombie
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Post by Zoombie »

Snipawolf from different thread wrote:lol, this is interesting...

Edit: Zoombies a jerk, he hasn't looked at mine yet..
Yes I have
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Snipawolf
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Post by Snipawolf »

Now i can double edit it out :P
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