So I thought all was lost when I discovered no such thing exists anymore. I had to settle for a V360, which is pretty close to what I wanted but there's still a lot of fluff.
But all that changed when I stumbled upon the Motorola F3 on TigerDirect.com (now out of stock).
It's a phone. It does text messaging, but poorly. It has an alarm clock and a phone book, and that's the extent of things. WOOT.
Here are pictures of the unwrapping process as well as the main event:
Notice the screen. It uses new technology called E-Ink, which basically means it's electronic paper... each pixel or segment can be on or off, and that's it. It's a tech used commonly in ebook readers now.
In the case of the F3, the implementation is very low tech and it's barely above old LED display technology like you have on your alarm clock - just simple segments... Very low tech, but I don't care, it's a freaking PHONE.
So why go with E-Ink instead of a LED display? First, it's much more resilient to damage, second it uses less space and weighs less, and finally it only uses power when it changes what the display says! So battery life is dramatically better.
So... So... where to begin. Call quality is good. On the top left of the display it says the signal strength, on the top right it shows battery life. On the main display you see the basic menu functions (very basic) and the number you're dialing.
Text messages are always sent and received in lowercase and it can't handle symbols very well. I think it does periods and question marks, but that's it.
I can't rate the battery life yet, but other reviews say its' very good.
The phone is originally for third world countries so it is very durable. I would feel confident throwing it across a room and into the wall, as hard as I could, repeatedly.
There is no external antenna.
Obviously there's no camera.
Every time you turn the phone on, it asks whether you want voice prompts - again for people who can't read or make sense of technology. Would probably be good for your mom, really... anyway you turn those off by pushing 2. No big deal.
Many reviews I've read end with the reviewer deciding he's probably going to stop using his expensive Razr or whatever because this phone just so much more practical for everyday things.
AFAIK it currently only supports 850 and 1900 networks or something, not 3G, but don't quote me on that.
Now, already I would want to buy this phone just from knowing all the above... but there's one more thing. It costs $40 or less.
There's only one potential deal-breaker - its phone book only has room for 10 entries. Not a big deal for me personally, since I memorize most numbers. I'll probably put Pizza Pizza in there and be done with it.
The display is NOT backlit but has a light on both sides that comes on when you push a button. The reason it's not backlit is because of the E-Ink display... the two technologies just aren't compatible IIRC. Anyway it's good for battery life. The really neat thing is, because the display doesn't depend on lighting, it is easily visible even in direct sunlight - in fact, direct sunlight makes it the easiest to read.
