MidKnight wrote:You're doing this entirely the wrong way, OP. Most people (regardless of gender) don't screw someone because they look okay and can talk smooth. Most people who are in successful relationships (at least beyond a few months) are friends, not just lovers.
Trying to get it on with any girl you can get is stupid and something you'll probably regret in a few years. It's also not a very successful strategy.
Bullshit. Sure it might be great to have a working long term relationship but that's certainly not the only way to have sex, I'm pretty sure vast majority of people have engaged in shorter term flings too at some point in their lives.
Trying to get it on with any girl CAN be succesful if you're smooth about it. And what's there to regret as long as you don't get unwanted diseases or kids, and respect your partners?
What I hear more is people regretting they didn't mess around more when they were young, hah.
Well, I guess it depends on who you are, what you're after, and where you live.
Also, you misconstrued part of my post. I didn't say that a long-term relationship is the only way to have sex. What I said was that it's better to get to know people before you go all-out with them.
stopped drawing. Could pretty much do this level or better now if I felt the need.
This is obviously the point when you had your surgery and started fabricating you "panda" persona to compensate. Think... have you don't any non-derivative art since starting your "relationship"?
stopped drawing. Could pretty much do this level or better now if I felt the need.
This is obviously the point when you had your surgery and started fabricating you "panda" persona to compensate. Think... have you don't any non-derivative art since starting your "relationship"?
stopped drawing. Could pretty much do this level or better now if I felt the need.
This is obviously the point when you had your surgery and started fabricating you "panda" persona to compensate. Think... have you don't any non-derivative art since starting your "relationship"?
They began dating in their teens.
or so smoth would have us believe... have you ever seen any evidence of this supposed relationship prior to the last 5 years?
I met my girlfriend at a bible study group at my church. We didn't hit it off immediately, in fact, she often tells me that at first she thought I was a D-Bag because I'd say know it all stuff and she assumed I was trying to look cool in front of people. I ended up hanging out with another girl alot and we kind of hit it off, until she left for another country and left me hanging. After that I was kind of depressed, but to keep myself from collapsing inward I spent a lot of time forcing myself to get out and spend time with friends and be more active in the lives of the people around me I cared about.
At that point my current girlfriend started to see more in me. I was a friend to her at a time when she felt like a lot of other people had abandoned her, and she saw a lot of the same type of experiences she had been in in the past in what I was going through with the breakup of my past relationship. We started hanging out a little more intimately as friends, and we discovered we had a lot in common, we had a lot of fun with each other, and it was easy to talk to each other. I wouldn't have ever wanted to date her if it wasn't for the connection I discovered, I had to get to know her before I realized she was the kind of special person I was interested in. At the point where I had worked up the courage to tell her how I felt about her I found out that she had just started dating another guy. I told her anyways even though I was positive she would just let me down, at least I needed her to know it would be too hard for me to just be best friend and hear about how cool some other guy was.
Ultimately she choose to let the other guy go and hook up with me. I never rushed anything, I always treated her with respect and put the relationship first, tried to always make it fun like a friendship, but still give her the support she needed as a partner. I was deliberate to think everything through and not follow emotional whims when deciding how to do things. Right now, I've saved up a tonne of money, and I'm shopping for a ring. She's already told me that when I ask her she'll agree. So pretty much, this is the girl I'm gonna marry.
So what would my advice be?
- Be sober when you make the decision to date a girl. Personality is more important that looks. You'll repulse yourself in the end if you put a bunch of effort and energy into someone you ultimately can't tolerate.
- Be aware that there's no such thing as perfection. Things that are very minor annoyances in the beginning will some day become extremely annoying. Some things you will just have to accept or be forever alone.
- It's less of a dice roll to go for a friend who you already know you get along with. The chances of dropping randomly into the lap of someone you're truly happy with are slim to none. Most people are really incompatible with about 75% of the rest of the population. Many it's closer to 95%. Some of those relationships can be made to work, but both parties would have to do a huge amount of work, and change some really hard to change things. You don't want to be put into the position of being forced to give up your dreams for a girl. If you want to travel the world and your girl wants to never be on an airplane ever, you're gonna be unhappy even if you can make the relationship work. So talk about that stuff, if possible, before you start dating.
- Be spiritually right with your mate. Don't go for someone who has fundamental religious beliefs that you don't. For most people, even if their religion is atheism, what their religious assumption is is going to be the number one thing that guides almost every decision in their life. You will be constantly frustrated if your partner never supports any of those ideological decisions. This isn't to say a baptist can't date successfully date a orthodox, or that an atheist could never deal with an agnostic, but it's gonna be really really rough for a Muslim to date a Hindu. If you honestly aren't willing to convert for someone, don't bother asking them out.
- Mind > Emotions. Emotions lie to you. No one is able to make you feel euphoric constantly. There's something wrong with you if the girl you're dating never makes you angry or upset. Make decisions based on facts, not based on whims. Real love is a choice to be with someone through thick and thin, not a feeling. It's normal to have to work to maintain a relationship. Work really hard. Still, if you never feel anything, you're probably not in love with someone. Don't get someone's hopes up by being too logical and changing your mind when it really matters either.
[edit] I'll mention that you might as well not bother reading this if you only want a fling, this will only help if you're actually looking for someone to date, and potentially more.
Aw, SwiftSpear, you are sweet, but seem to have such a negative view of emotions. How do you think one learns how to properly handle them that way, especially when emotional problems occur? To find a solution, I think it would be best to think of what it would be like to experience something of an absence of emotion, like flat affect (http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art ... ekey=26293). Without emotion, one may not have the drive to do anything which is part of the reason why people with depression want to die and try to kill themselves.
To handle such situations one can not really reason with an unreasonable person either, especially if the person is experiencing depression and is having psychotic tendencies (a common symptom that may go along with depression). That person may loose touch with reality and not understand what you are trying to say to them. In that situation it is imperative that you have a good understanding of emotion and make the proper emotional response (soothing, on guard, etc.).
SinbadEV wrote:
MidKnight wrote:
SinbadEV wrote:
This is obviously the point when you had your surgery and started fabricating you "panda" persona to compensate. Think... have you don't any non-derivative art since starting your "relationship"?
They began dating in their teens.
or so smoth would have us believe... have you ever seen any evidence of this supposed relationship prior to the last 5 years?
Lol. Smoth really is a great artist. I was always impressed with his ability to draw, paint, and do various other art. I don't know how to do any of those things, but I enjoy my current projects involving experimenting on roly polies.
Panda wrote:Aw, SwiftSpear, you are sweet, but seem to have such a negative view of emotions. How do you think one learns how to properly handle them that way, especially when emotional problems occur? To find a solution, I think it would be best to think of what it would be like to experience something of an absence of emotion, like flat affect (http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art ... ekey=26293). Without emotion, one may not have the drive to do anything which is part of the reason why people with depression want to die and try to kill themselves.
To handle such situations one can not really reason with an unreasonable person either, especially if the person is experiencing depression and is having psychotic tendencies (a common symptom that may go along with depression). That person may loose touch with reality and not understand what you are trying to say to them. In that situation it is imperative that you have a good understanding of emotion and make the proper emotional response (soothing, on guard, etc.).
I went to a relationship advice meeting once. They told us, "don't get into a relationship if you're not right with yourself, if you feel really emotionally off, a relationship won't fix that, and you'll pile baggage onto the other party". I think if you're really psychologically off, you should be careful about dating just for that it's like you're emotionally sick, and not being able to normally experience romance emotionally, will make the whole thing much more difficult and dangerous. Being afraid of clowns is one thing, but a relationship will be really difficult for both parties if one of them is suicidally depressed. Not that it's doomed to failure, you can work on healing together, but it's not the best way often, it will be putting possibly too high an expectation on a young relationship to expect it to be positive in a landmine of a psychological situation.
What I was speaking out against, is so many people get into this "I just don't feel in love with you any more" thing, and let that be a factor that ends a promising relationship. The feeling of love comes and goes, and more often than not takes work to bring about. You're going to hurt yourself and someone else if you let that feeling lead your decision making. Every relationship has up times and down times, if anything, the down times are needed too, to show us how awesome the up times really are. I'm just saying, the most healthy relationship in the world, don't expect it to be easy, don't expect it to be painless. Even if you've been hurt by the other party for some reason, don't just assume that feeling will always stick either and call things off. Be logical in Love, at least enough to ensure that you don't do something you will regret later in the heat of the moment.
SinbadEV wrote:SinbadEV's Guide to Establishing a Long Term Relationship with a Woman:
- Don't
Also:
- All Women Lie
- If she seems to be interested in you it's because she's desperate to have children
- You are a jerk... you may not realize this yet, but about 2 weeks into a relationship you will know it
- Women are emotionally unstable 7 out of 28 days... the rest they are just emotional
There are drugs that will make you not be depressed/cure your anxiety issues/desperation... Aside from a very small subset of the human experience (namely sex) you can get away with just having good friends. Your body will deal with your lack of sex automatically so don't even worry about it.
Theoretically if you work out your issues there's a good chance you'll end up in a relationship anyway... sorry.
(Almost all of this should be taken as being semi-sarcastic and not to apply to %100 of women)
SwiftSpear wrote:What I was speaking out against, is so many people get into this "I just don't feel in love with you any more" thing, and let that be a factor that ends a promising relationship. The feeling of love comes and goes, and more often than not takes work to bring about. You're going to hurt yourself and someone else if you let that feeling lead your decision making. Every relationship has up times and down times, if anything, the down times are needed too, to show us how awesome the up times really are. I'm just saying, the most healthy relationship in the world, don't expect it to be easy, don't expect it to be painless. Even if you've been hurt by the other party for some reason, don't just assume that feeling will always stick either and call things off. Be logical in Love, at least enough to ensure that you don't do something you will regret later in the heat of the moment.
Panda wrote:Aw, SwiftSpear, you are sweet, but seem to have such a negative view of emotions. How do you think one learns how to properly handle them that way, especially when emotional problems occur? To find a solution, I think it would be best to think of what it would be like to experience something of an absence of emotion, like flat affect (http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art ... ekey=26293). Without emotion, one may not have the drive to do anything which is part of the reason why people with depression want to die and try to kill themselves.
To handle such situations one can not really reason with an unreasonable person either, especially if the person is experiencing depression and is having psychotic tendencies (a common symptom that may go along with depression). That person may loose touch with reality and not understand what you are trying to say to them. In that situation it is imperative that you have a good understanding of emotion and make the proper emotional response (soothing, on guard, etc.).
I went to a relationship advice meeting once. They told us, "don't get into a relationship if you're not right with yourself, if you feel really emotionally off, a relationship won't fix that, and you'll pile baggage onto the other party". I think if you're really psychologically off, you should be careful about dating just for that it's like you're emotionally sick, and not being able to normally experience romance emotionally, will make the whole thing much more difficult and dangerous. Being afraid of clowns is one thing, but a relationship will be really difficult for both parties if one of them is suicidally depressed. Not that it's doomed to failure, you can work on healing together, but it's not the best way often, it will be putting possibly too high an expectation on a young relationship to expect it to be positive in a landmine of a psychological situation.
What I was speaking out against, is so many people get into this "I just don't feel in love with you any more" thing, and let that be a factor that ends a promising relationship. The feeling of love comes and goes, and more often than not takes work to bring about. You're going to hurt yourself and someone else if you let that feeling lead your decision making. Every relationship has up times and down times, if anything, the down times are needed too, to show us how awesome the up times really are. I'm just saying, the most healthy relationship in the world, don't expect it to be easy, don't expect it to be painless. Even if you've been hurt by the other party for some reason, don't just assume that feeling will always stick either and call things off. Be logical in Love, at least enough to ensure that you don't do something you will regret later in the heat of the moment.
SwiftSpear wrote:I met my girlfriend at a bible study group at my church.We didn't hit it off immediately, in fact, she often tells me that at first she thought I was a D-Bag because I'd say know it all stuff and she assumed I was trying to look cool in front of people. I ended up hanging out with another girl alot and we kind of hit it off, until she left for another country and left me hanging. After that I was kind of depressed, but to keep myself from collapsing inward I spent a lot of time forcing myself to get out and spend time with friends and be more active in the lives of the people around me I cared about.
At that point my current girlfriend started to see more in me. I was a friend to her at a time when she felt like a lot of other people had abandoned her, and she saw a lot of the same type of experiences she had been in in the past in what I was going through with the breakup of my past relationship. We started hanging out a little more intimately as friends, and we discovered we had a lot in common, we had a lot of fun with each other, and it was easy to talk to each other. I wouldn't have ever wanted to date her if it wasn't for the connection I discovered, I had to get to know her before I realized she was the kind of special person I was interested in. At the point where I had worked up the courage to tell her how I felt about her I found out that she had just started dating another guy. I told her anyways even though I was positive she would just let me down, at least I needed her to know it would be too hard for me to just be best friend and hear about how cool some other guy was.
Ultimately she choose to let the other guy go and hook up with me. I never rushed anything, I always treated her with respect and put the relationship first, tried to always make it fun like a friendship, but still give her the support she needed as a partner. I was deliberate to think everything through and not follow emotional whims when deciding how to do things. Right now, I've saved up a tonne of money, and I'm shopping for a ring. She's already told me that when I ask her she'll agree. So pretty much, this is the girl I'm gonna marry.
So what would my advice be?
- Be sober when you make the decision to date a girl. Personality is more important that looks. You'll repulse yourself in the end if you put a bunch of effort and energy into someone you ultimately can't tolerate.
- Be aware that there's no such thing as perfection. Things that are very minor annoyances in the beginning will some day become extremely annoying. Some things you will just have to accept or be forever alone.
- It's less of a dice roll to go for a friend who you already know you get along with. The chances of dropping randomly into the lap of someone you're truly happy with are slim to none. Most people are really incompatible with about 75% of the rest of the population. Many it's closer to 95%. Some of those relationships can be made to work, but both parties would have to do a huge amount of work, and change some really hard to change things. You don't want to be put into the position of being forced to give up your dreams for a girl. If you want to travel the world and your girl wants to never be on an airplane ever, you're gonna be unhappy even if you can make the relationship work. So talk about that stuff, if possible, before you start dating.
- Be spiritually right with your mate. Don't go for someone who has fundamental religious beliefs that you don't. For most people, even if their religion is atheism, what their religious assumption is is going to be the number one thing that guides almost every decision in their life. You will be constantly frustrated if your partner never supports any of those ideological decisions. This isn't to say a baptist can't date successfully date a orthodox, or that an atheist could never deal with an agnostic, but it's gonna be really really rough for a Muslim to date a Hindu. If you honestly aren't willing to convert for someone, don't bother asking them out.
- Mind > Emotions. Emotions lie to you. No one is able to make you feel euphoric constantly. There's something wrong with you if the girl you're dating never makes you angry or upset. Make decisions based on facts, not based on whims. Real love is a choice to be with someone through thick and thin, not a feeling. It's normal to have to work to maintain a relationship. Work really hard. Still, if you never feel anything, you're probably not in love with someone. Don't get someone's hopes up by being too logical and changing your mind when it really matters either.
[edit] I'll mention that you might as well not bother reading this if you only want a fling, this will only help if you're actually looking for someone to date, and potentially more.
lol, but who wants a girlfriend with religious beliefs and inhibitions?
work is a good place to meet girls, esp temp & student work. University is OK if you can handle idealistic, liberal and unemployed students
best way is through friends
