The Official Worlds Funniest Joke

[BattleMonk]

http://archives.cnn.com/2002/TECH/scien ... .funniest/

Worlds funniest joke:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

it made me laugh but ive heard better


The second funniest joke in the world was:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see?"

Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life."

And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."


The Funniest joke in UK was:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off ├óÔé¼ÔÇ£ go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

[1v0ry_k1ng]

its offical

[Otherside]

i laughed cos the official's worlds funniest joke is a joke

FAIL

anything on springbash or watever emmanuel says is 100000000 * more funny

[Tribulexrenamed]

emanuel...

That was the worlds funniest joke.

[Cabbage]

A rich man and a poor man are in a shop buying their wives anniversery presents.

The poor man asks the rich man what he is getting his wife. He replies saying he has bought her a diamond ring and a mercedes. He says that if she doesnt like the ring, she can always drive to the shop and replace it with somthing else.

The poor man nods and agrees that it's a good plan.

The rich man then asks the poor man what he is getting his wife. He replies saying he has got her a pair of slippers and a dildo, because if she doesnt like the slippers she can go fuck herself!


I was pretty smashed when i first heard it but thought it was pretty funny at hte time :p

[KingRaptor]

[2:55:11 PM] <[LCC]KingRaptor[CA]> So, this guy is playing golf with a priest. And he's a really bad golfer, so he keeps swearing with things like "FUCK I MISSED THE FUCKING HOLE".
[2:55:25 PM] <CarRepairer[CA]> it's supposed to be damn, missed
[2:55:35 PM] <CarRepairer[CA]> god damn, i missed
[2:55:47 PM] <[7uP]Ashnal[CA]> i can see where this is going
[2:55:56 PM] <[7uP]Forboding_Angel> Why does a squirrle swim on its back?
[2:55:56 PM] <[LCC]KingRaptor[CA]> After a sand bunker and a really long string of profanities, the priest gets upset, so he goes to the guy and says "You better not swear so much, or the Lord may strike you down!"
[2:56:01 PM] <[7uP]Forboding_Angel> To keep its nuts dry
[2:56:07 PM] <[LCC]det[CA]> totally believable
[2:56:09 PM] <[7uP]Forboding_Angel> squirrel*
[2:56:10 PM] <[LCC]KingRaptor[CA]> The golfer says nothing, takes another swing, "FUCK I MISSED"
[2:56:26 PM] <[LCC]KingRaptor[CA]> Instantly, a bolt of lightning comes down and strikes the priest dead.
[2:56:32 PM] <[LCC]KingRaptor[CA]> And a voice overhead, "FUCK I MISSED"
[2:56:39 PM] <[7uP]Forboding_Angel> LOLZ
[2:56:39 PM] <[a]hamsate> ROFL
[2:56:40 PM] <[LCC]det[CA]> LOL
[2:56:41 PM] <[a]hamsate> LOL
[2:56:49 PM] <[7uP]Forboding_Angel> rofl
[2:56:52 PM] <[a]hamsate> LMAO
[2:56:55 PM] <CarRepairer[CA]> roflcopter
[2:57:05 PM] <[7uP]Forboding_Angel> THat's some funny shit lol
[2:57:15 PM] <KDR_11k> Lightning? Come on, everyone knows the Lord uses bears to maul people
[2:57:37 PM] <[a]hamsate> LORD
[2:58:00 PM] <KDR_11k> Be nice to children, unless they call you bald, then you can sic the bears on them

[Tribulexrenamed]

[2:55:11 PM] <[LCC]KingRaptor[CA]> So, this guy is playing golf with a priest. And he's a really bad golfer, so he keeps swearing with things like "FUCK I MISSED THE FUCKING HOLE".
[2:55:25 PM] <CarRepairer[CA]> it's supposed to be damn, missed
[2:55:35 PM] <CarRepairer[CA]> god damn, i missed
[2:55:47 PM] <[7uP]Ashnal[CA]> i can see where this is going
[2:55:56 PM] <[7uP]Forboding_Angel> Why does a squirrle swim on its back?
[2:55:56 PM] <[LCC]KingRaptor[CA]> After a sand bunker and a really long string of profanities, the priest gets upset, so he goes to the guy and says "You better not swear so much, or the Lord may strike you down!"
[2:56:01 PM] <[7uP]Forboding_Angel> To keep its nuts dry
[2:56:07 PM] <[LCC]det[CA]> totally believable
[2:56:09 PM] <[7uP]Forboding_Angel> squirrel*
[2:56:10 PM] <[LCC]KingRaptor[CA]> The golfer says nothing, takes another swing, "FUCK I MISSED"
[2:56:26 PM] <[LCC]KingRaptor[CA]> Instantly, a bolt of lightning comes down and strikes the priest dead.
[2:56:32 PM] <[LCC]KingRaptor[CA]> And a voice overhead, "FUCK I MISSED"
[2:56:39 PM] <[7uP]Forboding_Angel> LOLZ
[2:56:39 PM] <[a]hamsate> ROFL
[2:56:40 PM] <[LCC]det[CA]> LOL
[2:56:41 PM] <[a]hamsate> LOL
[2:56:49 PM] <[7uP]Forboding_Angel> rofl
[2:56:52 PM] <[a]hamsate> LMAO
[2:56:55 PM] <CarRepairer[CA]> roflcopter
[2:57:05 PM] <[7uP]Forboding_Angel> THat's some funny shit lol
[2:57:15 PM] <KDR_11k> Lightning? Come on, everyone knows the Lord uses bears to maul people
[2:57:37 PM] <[a]hamsate> LORD
[2:58:00 PM] <KDR_11k> Be nice to children, unless they call you bald, then you can sic the bears on them

Kingraptor thats good shit.

[BattleMonk]

i lolled that was alot more funny than all those 'worlds funniest' jokes.

[TheBigPK]

A rich man and a poor man are in a shop buying their wives anniversery presents.

The poor man asks the rich man what he is getting his wife. He replies saying he has bought her a diamond ring and a mercedes. He says that if she doesnt like the ring, she can always drive to the shop and replace it with somthing else.

The poor man nods and agrees that it's a good plan.

The rich man then asks the poor man what he is getting his wife. He replies saying he has got her a pair of slippers and a dildo, because if she doesnt like the slippers she can go fuck herself!


I was pretty smashed when i first heard it but thought it was pretty funny at hte time :p

lol

[Sabutai]

noobs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gpjk_Ma ... re=related

Best part is when the troopers read it aloud amidst explosions.

[Machiosabre]

the best part is obviously "a different Gestapo officer"

[clericvash]

What a load of rubbish, wasn't even funny.

[SwiftSpear]

What did they actually read in german?

[hamsate]

What was the German's counter to the joke? All I heard was "... walking down the street... peanut."

[Sabutai]

Taken from Wiki:

"There were zwei [two] peanuts walking down der Strasse [street]. Und one was assaulted (a salted)... peanut!"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Funnie ... _the_World

[Panda]

Joke 1 (A riddle for the sphinx in, the movie, Mirror Mask):

What├óÔé¼Ôäós green, hangs on the wall, and whistles?

Answer: A herring. You can paint it green. You can nail it to a wall and I just put whistling in to stop it from being too obvious.

Joke 2 (Also from Mirror Mask):
If you├óÔé¼Ôäóve got it you ought to share it if you share it you haven├óÔé¼Ôäót got it.

Answer: It's a secret.

Joke 3:
I├óÔé¼Ôäóm from the planet moon.
You├óÔé¼Ôäóve got your problems.
I├óÔé¼Ôäóve got my problems.
Won't you go away.

Answer: Moonstruck

[rattle]

Two blondes run in to a bar, one ducks