Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Undead. Part One.
Warning this story is all true. The character Jan is a real WoW character created and roleplayed by me. The names of other Charicters have been altered to secure the privacey of my guild mates
Jan's teeth chattered as she knelt over a the corpse. ├óÔé¼┼ôDose he know that his nose knows my nose?├óÔé¼┬Ø She murmured, running her nose over the corpse's nose in a macrabar parody of intimacy. She opened her mouth, then sunk her teeth into the nose. With a meaty CRRRRUNCH, she tore the nose off the corpse and began to chew.
├óÔé¼┼ôThis is good nose,├óÔé¼┬Ø Jan said, raising a finger. It came out as ├óÔé¼┼ôMfph es guuud norse.├óÔé¼┬Ø
The corpse, once she was done with it, was missing two eyes, one nose, a tongue, two kidneys and an arm. Jan smiled to herself, juggling the two eyes in one of her hands.
├óÔé¼┼ôJan?├óÔé¼┬Ø A raspy voice came from the shadows. Jan stopped, looking at the shadows. Dethknell was a dark place, but her not-eyes still managed to pick out the form of Akri.
├óÔé¼┼ôWant an eye?├óÔé¼┬Ø Jan asked, giggling as she offered the eye to Akri. Akri looked a bit green, as usual, and declined.
├óÔé¼┼ôCan I have yours then?├óÔé¼┬Ø
├óÔé¼┼ôI need those!├óÔé¼┬Ø
├óÔé¼┼ôI didn't,├óÔé¼┬Ø Jan grinned, fixing him with one of her not-eyes. ├óÔé¼┼ôThey just got in the way, so plop plop and down the gullet.├óÔé¼┬Ø
├óÔé¼┼ôThats great,├óÔé¼┬Ø Akri said, ├óÔé¼┼ôListen, there's a meeting in the tavern of our guild. Come on.├óÔé¼┬Ø
Jan and Akri walked down the streets of Deathknell, ignoring the zombies and the undead. In the distance, gun fire and flaming bolts of magic flew back and forth. Deathknell was a city at war, a civil war between the free Undead and the not-so free Undead.
The guild meeting was a rather meger one, as only four people were in the area of Deathknell could make it. Akri, Jan, Mewndil and Baneoflife all sat around the table, sharing tales of todays violence.
├óÔé¼┼ôI brought an arm. She won't be using it again!├óÔé¼┬Ø Jan plopped the severed limb on the table. The rest of the group were of the more 'polite' sect of Undead, and only ate fleash in 'private'. Jan was a bit more...open. She started to messily devour the arm
├óÔé¼┼ôSo,├óÔé¼┬Ø Mew said, ├óÔé¼┼ôWe need to root out and DESTROY the Red Crusade and make sure they stay dead this time.├óÔé¼┬Ø
├óÔé¼┼ôI agree,├óÔé¼┬Ø Akri said, ├óÔé¼┼ôJan?├óÔé¼┬Ø
├óÔé¼┼ôAre you going to eat that?├óÔé¼┬Ø Jan asked, pointing at Akri's ear.
├óÔé¼┼ôWhat?├óÔé¼┬Ø
├óÔé¼┼ôGood,├óÔé¼┬Ø Jan murmured, leaning in and biting his ear lobe.
├óÔé¼┼ôHey!├óÔé¼┬Ø Akri pulled away, pushing his chair away from Jan. ├óÔé¼┼ôI'm flattered but, I need that ear!├óÔé¼┬Ø
├óÔé¼┼ôYou have another one!├óÔé¼┬Ø Jan complained.
├óÔé¼┼ôJan! Stop!├óÔé¼┬Ø Bane shouted, slamming his fist onto the table. It squished slightly, splashing some goo on Jan's face. She licked it off her lips, smiling happily.
├óÔé¼┼ôSo, to attack the Red Crusade,├óÔé¼┬Ø Bane said, ├óÔé¼┼ôWe must have new members.├óÔé¼┬Ø
├óÔé¼┼ôExhume some,├óÔé¼┬Ø Jan said, sucking the marrow from the arm bone.
├óÔé¼┼ôWe did...remember? You ate them, damn it.├óÔé¼┬Ø
├óÔé¼┼ôOh yeah,├óÔé¼┬Ø Jan said, ├óÔé¼┼ôMy mind and I are not on the best terms, but I do remember that.├óÔé¼┬Ø
├óÔé¼┼ôSo it's settled!├óÔé¼┬Ø Bane stood up, pulling the sword out of his sheath. ├óÔé¼┼ôWe shall crush the pitiful humans that dare to live here.├óÔé¼┬Ø
As the four of them left the tavern, Jan threw the arm bone away and started to juggle the eyes again.
├óÔé¼┼ôSo Jan...where the hell did you come from?├óÔé¼┬Ø Mew asked as the party moved out of Deathknell.
├óÔé¼┼ôWell,├óÔé¼┬Ø Jan said, ├óÔé¼┼ôFirst I was alive, and I was maid. Then I was a dead maid. Then I woke up and the Lich King was a-whispering into my ear.├óÔé¼┬Ø
├óÔé¼┼ôYou weren't free?├óÔé¼┬Ø Bane asked, looking over his shoulder.
├óÔé¼┼ôNo,├óÔé¼┬Ø Jan said, sticking a finger in one of her eye sockets and fishing out a worm that had taken root there. After a moment, she popped it into her mouth. ├óÔé¼┼ôBut in a series of extraordinary circumstances, involving a club, three skeletons, a backwards aging mage named Merl, two hip bones, a dragon, my finance, twelve cannons, a slave ship, a Zeppelin and a very tasty troll.├óÔé¼┬Ø
├óÔé¼┼ôA troll? But those are our allies.├óÔé¼┬Ø
├óÔé¼┼ôYes, he was very kind to me when I met him. Very very tasty, too. His tusks, in particular were very tastey and I enjoyed eating him...├óÔé¼┬Ø
Jan paused, pursing her lips.
├óÔé¼┼ôThis was AFTER the sex, though...├óÔé¼┬Ø
