So, those that read my work, must ask: ├óÔé¼┼ôWhat next, Zoombie? What can you do to top what you wrote last time?├óÔé¼┬Ø
The answer might annoy some of my readers. That answer is: Nothing. Right now I am not working on anything new. Its not from lack of ideas. Far from it. I always have ideas. But I really want to get my works out to the massive public. That means publishing my works. This means working on my works to make them better. So, I think, what should I work on? I finally decided on my most popular story of all time. With 6,000 views and a shotgun full of crazy ideas that don't really work, Darkside was in prime need of a rewrite.
The problems with Darkside, are summed up by Kixxie: ├óÔé¼┼ôI must say, darkside is one of your worst stories. It has to dragged on plot and things that sound... BIG suddenly are explained in a sentence like he was saying what time it is... You make it sound huge, and then it's like... Dues ex machina.
Also. Stop killing every charater in the story. Almost none of the orginal cast remained in the end. i can't connect with a new charater if you kill him or her after 4 chapters...├óÔé¼┬Ø
It goes on for a while, but you get the gist of it. The plot line morphs three times, switching from a crime story, conspiracy story, war story, alien invasion story and so on. This weakens the over all plot line. The over abundance of characters, the adding of a cool new alien race near the end, and general 'suck' ruins whatever coolness I managed to pack in there. So, re-write time!
I've already rewritten 45 pages of the story and have made massive, sweeping improvements. Well...I hope they're improvements. They might just be making it worse. Who knows. Maybe once I'm done rewriting Darkside, I'll post some new stories. But till then I am on Hiatus!
Don't look like that! I'm still going to be around, posting in my little way. I'll continue to make fun of and generally annoy you all. And, so, before I continue my re-writing, here is a special SNEAK preview!
├óÔé¼┼ôThe view from the window was one of incredible cold. The stars were bright, staring down from the sky, the sun a little dot nestled between some, almost impossibly dim. The ground was slick with water ice, splotched with some frozen hydrogen mixed in. The horizon was uneven, pitted with craters and boulders.
The horizon was suddenly broken. Two space suited figures walked towards the window. The skin tight suits showed both to be women, the fine curves of their body's visible through the window. The woman split, both of them going around the sides of the ship. One of them had a small camera out, recording everything they saw for the ship's computer to analyze. The women who had gone to the left, the one wearing a pure white skinsuit, found the air lock.
She found the open button and managed to open the air lock. The door opened and she tapped her helmet, bringing up the mic on.
├óÔé¼┼ôLiz,├óÔé¼┬Ø She said, ├óÔé¼┼ôI've found the door├óÔé¼┬Ø
Liz stopped in her recording, shutting the camera off. The sides of the ship were caked with frozen liquid, where the atmosphere inside the cabin had leaked out over the years, freezing and condensing on the sides. Liz put her hand on the side, trying to wipe away the stuff. It melted under her fingertips, the cold reaching her hand despite several layers of insulation. The liquid fell away, freezing again. But underneath she saw the words ├óÔé¼┼ô-vy Shu-├óÔé¼┬Ø. Navy Shuttle? Maybe.
├óÔé¼┼ôLiz!├óÔé¼┬Ø Amber's voice cut into her reflections.
├óÔé¼┼ôBe there in a second├óÔé¼┬Ø Liz walked around the back of the ship, not running. Running on Pluto...well that was a fast ticket to a suit breach. Liz got to the air lock. Amber stuck her head out, looking at her friend. ├óÔé¼┼ôWe have no atmo in there. The pilot shot some holes...from the inside out├óÔé¼┬Ø
Liz stepped into the air lock as Amber moved back into the main cabin. Liz looked around. The pilot was seated, latched into his chair. He...he wasn't wearing a suit. Liz shivered.
The pilot was leaning backwards, boneless in death, his mouth hanging open, tongue lolling out. His face and eyes were frozen. Liz shook herself, looking at the rest of the shuttle. It was small, a small arms locker laying open. It was empty, the pistol that had been in it laying next to the man. The holes he had shot in his floor and windshield were almost invisible, frosted over as the air froze. Liz closed the airlock behind her, while Amber busied herself with a sealant gun. Once the shuttle had some measure of hull integrity, Liz and Amber got to work.
Amber found a old back up of O2. She tried the valve, but it was frozen stuck. Amber stood and kicked the valve. It cracked open and air started to fill the cabin.
├óÔé¼┼ôThere we go,├óÔé¼┬Ø she said, ├óÔé¼┼ôAny luck on the heaters?├óÔé¼┬Ø
├óÔé¼┼ôNone,├óÔé¼┬Ø Liz said, rummaging through the front of the ship, pushing the pilot out of the way with a barely contained shudder of disgust. Liz sat up, grinning. A cable was unplugged, stopping the battery power. Liz plugged in the cable, hoping the battery was still online.
Amber unscrewed a panel that was marked ├óÔé¼┼ôReactor Access├óÔé¼┬Ø and slid it to the ground. It made a noise as it slammed into the floor, the first sign that the atmosphere was getting ticker. Soon they might be able to breath before freezing to death.
Amber started to look into the reactor chamber, trying to see if it was completely irreparable or fixable. What stared back at her was almost inexplicable. The first thing she thought of was industrial acid, as the wires and doodads that made up a reactor were completely melted through. The reactor itself looked as if a clawed hand had torn it apart.
├óÔé¼┼ôWe're bingo reactor back here├óÔé¼┬Ø Amber said.
├óÔé¼┼ôGood news up here,├óÔé¼┬Ø Liz said, ├óÔé¼┼ôWe have some battery power up here. I think it's enough to see what this ship was├óÔé¼┬Ø
She flipped the switch on the front desk of the shuttle and the entire thing started up. The lights flared, holograms flickering on, read outs on the ship's status appearing. Liz grinned.
The lights turned off, something on the inside of the computer giving up and breaking.
Liz kicked the desk, swearing softly. A drawer on the bottom of the desk opened as she kicked it. Liz reached in and pulled out a PDA and...a vial of black powder. Liz stared at the powder, chewing her lip.
├óÔé¼┼ôWhats that there?├óÔé¼┬Ø Amber asked, looking away from the reactor. Liz tossed the vial at her and Amber caught it, the light gravity making the toss slow and elegant. Amber took the vial and started looking it over.
├óÔé¼┼ôGunpowder?├óÔé¼┬Ø she hazarded.
├óÔé¼┼ô I really doubt it,├óÔé¼┬Ø Liz sighed, ├óÔé¼┼ôMaybe its drug or something├óÔé¼┬Ø
Amber looked at the vial again. The black of the powder was not completely black, she could see veins of blue that ran through it, almost dark enough to be black. Liz was already running through the PDA she had found.
├óÔé¼┼ôEncrypted├óÔé¼┬Ø She said, ├óÔé¼┼ôEvery single file on this is encrypted...wait├óÔé¼┬Ø
├óÔé¼┼ôWhat is it?├óÔé¼┬Ø Amber bounced over, pocketing the vial.
├óÔé¼┼ôIts...the title of the main file...Sootwo?├óÔé¼┬Ø
├óÔé¼┼ôThats a zero.├óÔé¼┬Ø Amber pointed out the digit in question. ├óÔé¼┼ôS...zero two.├óÔé¼┬Ø
And look forward to something that Guessmyname and I are working together on. It's cool, believe me. Though...mostly, all the work is being done by Guessmyname. In fact, I can't wait to see what Guessmyname is cooking. Believe me! It's cool!
Hiatus
Moderator: Moderators
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Guessmyname
- Posts: 3301
- Joined: 28 Apr 2005, 21:07
*is determined to keep mouth shut*
Basically, I send script to Zoombie. Zoombie approves / edits / critiques it etc. I draw comic, send to Zoombie approves it. I'm not entirely sure what to do with it after that. Can I post it here?
Sneak preview of Liz and Amber here: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/44442171/
and according to Zoombie:
Basically, I send script to Zoombie. Zoombie approves / edits / critiques it etc. I draw comic, send to Zoombie approves it. I'm not entirely sure what to do with it after that. Can I post it here?
Sneak preview of Liz and Amber here: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/44442171/
and according to Zoombie:
Oh, and here is a point that only occured to me at 11:11 at night, when I'm tired and unfocused:
Liz's boobs need to be bigger.
That is all.
Well, it's great that your focusing on getting your work out to the puplic, since your a really good writer and with just some issues like cliffhangining and sudden charaters your stories are awesome, and pert* IT'S SPELLED KIXXE NOT KIXXIE YOU ASS GRAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. >.<
Im am so sick of that error.
Im am so sick of that error.
Cliffhangers are important, but you threw in one in every other chapter. Just look at your Darkside posts... Cliffhangers is like swearing... if used correctly by the right character at the right moment (and not blurred out every 5 seconds by half the cast) it's adds depth. Otherwise it's just annoying and repetitive. And also, at least have a good reason for a cliffhanger. Someone suddenly shooting another person (especially if their an "ally") is a great cliffhanger, while introducing a character/a concept/a thing that we know nothing about is not really needed to be a cliffhanger. That super invincibility weapon in Extermination (which i don't think ever was used BTW... 
) is not needed to be a cliff hanger, since it's not an important part of the story. If the crew is in peril and in desperate need for such a weapon thou and it's suddenly unveiled...
That's IMO of course.. you may have taken courses on it or at least read a book while I'm uneducated in those matters.
) is not needed to be a cliff hanger, since it's not an important part of the story. If the crew is in peril and in desperate need for such a weapon thou and it's suddenly unveiled... That's IMO of course.. you may have taken courses on it or at least read a book while I'm uneducated in those matters.