Darkside

Guessmyname · Post by **Guessmyname** » 09 May 2006, 20:36

There are a lot of spelling mistakes (you keep going 'dose' instead of 'does' for example), and probably the odd plot hole here and there, but you don't tend to notice them

Zoombie · Post by **Zoombie** » 09 May 2006, 20:37

Good good. Anything else?

Guessmyname · Post by **Guessmyname** » 09 May 2006, 20:49

Oh, yeah! Grammatical error here.
When someone is having a conversation each line of speech by each person is supposed to have a line of its own, for example:

' "Hello Bill!" Said Ted
"Hello Ted!" Said Bill '

Instead of: ' "Hello Bill!" Said Ted. "Hello Ted!" Said Bill '

See Soelis for more examples of this.

Zoombie · Post by **Zoombie** » 10 May 2006, 00:50

Well i suppose if i went through and did that the book would jump from 233 pages to about 400, but why not?

Zoombie · Post by **Zoombie** » 10 May 2006, 03:51

The light suddenly flickered on, shining brightly down on the man's face. He had been, a few hours ago, a simple fisherman, under the employ of a Corp. Now...

├óÔé¼┼ôAre you alive, Mr. Thomas├óÔé¼┬Ø.

├óÔé¼┼ôWhy...why are you doing this...to me?├óÔé¼┬Ø Thomas chocked out, blood caking around his lips as new blood started to flow from the only half healed wounds.

├óÔé¼┼ôBecause, Mr. Thomas├óÔé¼┬Ø The man said, nothing more then a black figure against the light ├óÔé¼┼ôI want you to know that everything I say, I will do├óÔé¼┬Ø. He walked around and behind Thomas, putting his hand on the man's shoulder, in an almost paternal way.

├óÔé¼┼ôNow├óÔé¼┬Ø The man said ├óÔé¼┼ôI am going to release you├óÔé¼┬Ø.

├óÔé¼┼ôW-Wha├óÔé¼┬Ø Thomas gasped.

├óÔé¼┼ôBecause├óÔé¼┬Ø The man said ├óÔé¼┼ôthere is a woman, in the colony. And I want to hurt her. And I want to keep on hurting her for as long as possible. And to do that I need...you├óÔé¼┬Ø.

Thomas nodded slowly, wanting to get away. ├óÔé¼┼ôBut if you don't do exactly what I say├óÔé¼┬Ø The man said ├óÔé¼┼ôI will find you. And I will hurt you until there is nothing left to hurt├óÔé¼┬Ø his hand spasmed slightly and Thomas shouted, feeling his shoulder snap wetly.

├óÔé¼┼ôNow├óÔé¼┬Ø The man said ├óÔé¼┼ôI am going to release you. And you are going to head to the Westmound street, and at the corner of that street you will find a pub by the name 'The Happy Tap'├óÔé¼┬Ø

Thomas nodded slowly, the man slowly releasing his shoulder. ├óÔé¼┼ôThere you will find a man, sitting in the corner as he has for the last ten years. He will be drinking lemon Juice. You will ask him if his name is Daniel Colby. He will be instrumental to my plan├óÔé¼┬Ø. The man brushed some of Thomas's hair away from his face, to see the black eyes, bloodied mouth and bruised face.

├óÔé¼┼ôThen you will tell him...that Prime is alive├óÔé¼┬Ø.

Stay tuned for Darkside: Extermination.

Maelstrom · Post by **Maelstrom** » 10 May 2006, 07:26

Much better.

Zoombie · Post by **Zoombie** » 10 May 2006, 07:36

Or is it?

Can what this 'man', whoever he may be, really have good intentions? Can ANY news, even if it seems good, come from him and NOT have the inention of wrecking Ill on whoever he seeks revenge agains?

And of course he could be lieing.

I guess we will have to wait untill I get around to ACTUALLY writing it and not planning it out on a pice of paper.

Maelstrom · Post by **Maelstrom** » 10 May 2006, 07:58

I was actually commenting on the fact that you took Guessmynames advice, and started writing out conversations properly. But it is a good start to a story.

Kixxe · Post by **Kixxe** » 10 May 2006, 09:47

Zoombie wrote: And of course he could be lieing.

Or you could be lieing, and suddenly start up darkside agaig... Which to se to be doing!

Zoombie · Post by **Zoombie** » 10 May 2006, 15:34

That was a teaser trailer.

So I'm going to go now....

Zoombie · Post by **Zoombie** » 31 Jul 2006, 17:10

Ha!

Some news!

I bet you never expected to see THIS thread come back to LIFE!

But it HAS! My Aunt is a professional editor. She actually edits things for a living, doing cover art and so on. And she started to edit Darkside!

You might see a book version for sale eventually. And I was just wondering if I should trust that all you guys want a mobile, readable, professionally edited and spell checked Darkside, with a nice cover and page's you can fold, tear out and draw naked pictures on. Or should I just delete this thread and FORCE you to buy the book.

But because I'm not a money pinching bastard, this thread will remain open and I'll see about the bookilization of Darkside. If it happens, please buy it. Pretty pretty please.

CompWiz · Post by **CompWiz** » 31 Jul 2006, 18:19

id buy it but i dont think my mom would like it....

Guessmyname · Post by **Guessmyname** » 31 Jul 2006, 18:46

If I see it in a bookstore or anywhere like that, I'll buy it

Zoombie · Post by **Zoombie** » 31 Jul 2006, 19:53

Well its a peliminary stage, so don't get to excited. But if it becomes a novel, then you can order it from a website.

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Darkside