Boirunners guide how NOT to play in Spring

Boirunners guide how NOT to play in Spring

Please use this forum to set up matches and discuss played games.

Moderator: Moderators

User avatar
Boirunner
Kernel Panic Co-Developer
Posts: 811
Joined: 05 Feb 2007, 14:24

Boirunners guide how NOT to play in Spring

Post by Boirunner » 05 Feb 2007, 17:43

Boirunners guide how to play in Spring
-----------------------------------------------------

() TAKE YOUR TIME! After joining a game, take your ample time to select a side, a color, and to team up. After all, you have waited long enough to play, why shouldn't others have to wait? Also, the host is not your mom, so you don't have to listen to him. Just because he tells you to do something doesn't mean you have to do it, in fact it's best if you teach that arrogant bastard a lesson and do the exact opposite. If he starts changing your stuff, just change it back, as he has no right to do so. If you have such a rude host, it's best to ready up, and leave the game just before it starts, and then laugh at the rest of the players because they have such a n00b host.

() BE CONSISTENT! Don't change maps all the time. After all, you are better on the maps you know. It would be stupid to try new ones, because there you would have an unfair disadvantage. Nobody joins games with not often played maps anyway, so why should you? Also, playing alt0red_divide for the seventieth time this week gives you
chances to try out new strategies, like teching straight to krog or porcing and building
MRPCs everywhere!

() THIS IS A COMPUTER GAME! You play it for fun! Remember: all other players are there solely to entertain you, and you may use them for that purpose. For example, as soon as a game bores you, you should leave. This seems obvious: Why on earth should you spend time in a game when you are not enjoying yourself? But many, many people stay in games out of misunderstood politeness. Fuck them. Another example is experimenting with new strats. Doing that is what RTSes are all about, after all. Every game you should try something really weird and original like tech straight to krog, or tech straight to nuke, or even start with an air factory first to catch your enemy off guard. Trust your allies to deal with the mundane, boring task of capturing territory and building n00bish t1 units! After all, that's what they are there for.

() DON'T BE A COMMUNIST! Stop pretending you and your team are on big family or something! It's the most annoying thing in spring if your allies are always talking. Why would you care what they have to say? After all, you are busy playing! And just because some random n00b ally wants you to give him your hard-earned metal, you should? Damn Hippies! Forget that! If you earned it, you get to spend it! And if your ally is having trouble holding his chokepoint, then he's obviously a n00b and you should first capture his comm and use it to commbomb, and then make fun of him. That's just fair, he needs to be punished for being such a n00b. The same thing goes if someone tells you to take sea on SSB. Who the hell are they to tell you what to do? Your Boss? After all, if they are worse than you at Spring they are worthless n00bs, and if they are better then they are stupid geeks who have no life and spend all their time playing spring. None of those pathetic excuses for human beings should be able to tell you anything! So ignore them and go air!

() EXPAND SLOWLY! That is, if at all. Usually, the starting four metal spots are more than enough to win the game, if your allies aren't complete n00bs. The most important part in spring is to make sure you survive longest of your team, so you can prove to them that you are better than them even if you lose and claim that you would have won with better allies! Therefore, you should build lots of LLTs, HLTs and DTs and hide in your base. When you have enough HLTs, start teching to brawlers or krogs. Don't bother with AA, thogh, because only cowards build air. Air is so imba, anyone killing you with air is a cheater! Build some metal makers, though, and start building an advanced fusion plant as soon as you have t2 and +10 metal.

() SET UP RULES! For example, forts is a lot more fun if you can't attack for 20 minutes. Small divide is better if you can't walk over the hills. Just tell the other players these rules after the game started so they can't say no to them. If they ignore your rules, they are cheaters (and n00bs) and you should ragequit to teach them a lesson.

() BUILD MULTIPLE FACTORIES! You know how those small-scale thinkers only ever build one factory? No wonder they always lose! As a real player, you need at least five of each!

() DON'T BE A COWARD! If the enemy has defenses, attack them straight on! Attacking from the back is a cowardly and n00bish thing to do. Scouting is for boyscouts, not for real men.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
NOTE TO STUPID PEOPLE: DO NOT FOLLOW THIS GUIDE. IT IS USUALLY A GOOD IDEA TO DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT IS STATED HERE!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Last edited by Boirunner on 06 Feb 2007, 14:22, edited 2 times in total.
0 x

User avatar
1v0ry_k1ng
Posts: 4656
Joined: 10 Mar 2006, 10:24

Post by 1v0ry_k1ng » 05 Feb 2007, 17:51

Im not sure if this is meant to be funny or not but if this is how you play you aint joinin my games boy
0 x

DemO
Posts: 541
Joined: 18 Jul 2006, 02:05

Post by DemO » 05 Feb 2007, 17:51

jackalope?
0 x

tombom
Posts: 1933
Joined: 18 Dec 2005, 20:21

Post by tombom » 05 Feb 2007, 17:53

You two are so absurd! He is a real person giving us real fresh strats and you're just accusing him of being someone else??? I think he is very clever and we need more of him playing spring. In fact, it would be even better if they were girls.
0 x

User avatar
Foxomaniac
Posts: 691
Joined: 18 Jan 2006, 16:59

Post by Foxomaniac » 05 Feb 2007, 17:55

Epic win at being unfunny.
0 x

tombom
Posts: 1933
Joined: 18 Dec 2005, 20:21

Post by tombom » 05 Feb 2007, 17:57

Foxomaniac wrote:Epic win at being unfunny.
I am going to cry now

Also this gimmick is really funny.
0 x

User avatar
1v0ry_k1ng
Posts: 4656
Joined: 10 Mar 2006, 10:24

Post by 1v0ry_k1ng » 05 Feb 2007, 18:37

actually, it'd be pretty funny if he was serious
0 x

User avatar
Boirunner
Kernel Panic Co-Developer
Posts: 811
Joined: 05 Feb 2007, 14:24

Post by Boirunner » 05 Feb 2007, 18:45

Less talking about gimmicks! More adding points to the guide!

() NEVER GIVE UP! You owe it to your enemies go give them all you got! So if you are almost beat, at least try to hide your last two submarines. After all, maybe your enemy will give up and so you can still win. And if you can hide your last advanced solar, metal maker and radar jammer, proceed to build a kbot lab. After all, you might still win with 20 rockos! Doing this makes the game interesting until the last minute!

() DIVERSIFY YOUR ATTACK! When you have a group of units, you don't want them to attack the enemy all at the same time and at the same place, because then if one dies they all die. Instead, attack in single file, or from different directions at once. That way, you spread out - and therefore multipy - your attack!
0 x

tombom
Posts: 1933
Joined: 18 Dec 2005, 20:21

Post by tombom » 05 Feb 2007, 18:49

-Artillery is great for sending in on its own through defences! Don't bother keeping it out of range, that's just a waste of time. After all, if it's good for one thing it's good for everything else as well.
0 x

User avatar
jackalope
Posts: 694
Joined: 18 Jun 2006, 22:43

Post by jackalope » 05 Feb 2007, 18:50

i wouldn't smurf on forums or use the RYB gag as my avatar.
0 x

User avatar
Boirunner
Kernel Panic Co-Developer
Posts: 811
Joined: 05 Feb 2007, 14:24

Post by Boirunner » 05 Feb 2007, 19:04

() BE CAREFUL! Don't always play with the same username! You want your enemy to underestimate you, so ideally after you gain a rank you make a new account. You don't know your enemy, so why should he know you? And even if you do know him: all's fair in love and war! The battle starts in the lobby! If someone calls you a smurf, tell them that they are a n00b because they got beat by a rank 1. This is fair, after all, everyone does it!

() BE A REAL MAN! Real men don't lose! If worst comes to worst, just end the game and claim spring crashed. That's not cheating, it's just using all methods at your disposal. Even Sun Tsu said you should do that, and he was the best general ever. Anyone who does not follow his example is obviously a n00b! And if you do happen to lose one time, because you were afk and had n00b allies for example, the guy who won did it just to spite you, and only managed to do it because he was lucky. As a real man, you must now declare a personal vendetta against him. For example, try joining games as his ally and then commbomb him.

() BE A WARRIOR! What is the difference between a soldier and a warrior? The soldier is limited to a petty view of the battlefield, while a warrior can see the larger picture! A warrior has methods a soldier can't dream about! And a warrior know that information wins the war, and that getting that information is his duty. Therefore, using a second computer with a second account to spec the game is not only a valid strategy, but your honor-bound duty as a warrior! Of course, as a true warrior, if you see someone else doing this you must immediately accuse them of being a haXX0ring cheater, because that too is part of information warfare!
0 x

manored
Posts: 3179
Joined: 15 Nov 2006, 00:37

Post by manored » 05 Feb 2007, 19:35

I would suggest Boirunner and his posts be incinerated immediatly before they contamine our newcomers, but that would probaly be flaming... :P
0 x

User avatar
rattle
Damned Developer
Posts: 8278
Joined: 01 Jun 2006, 13:15

Post by rattle » 05 Feb 2007, 20:17

Anyone taking this serious is a noob apparently and should be punished.
0 x

User avatar
Peet
Malcontent
Posts: 4381
Joined: 27 Feb 2006, 22:04

Post by Peet » 05 Feb 2007, 20:36

Pretty sure it's either Fox, Cup, or one of those goat goofs :P
0 x

User avatar
1v0ry_k1ng
Posts: 4656
Joined: 10 Mar 2006, 10:24

Post by 1v0ry_k1ng » 05 Feb 2007, 20:37

no I think its someone whos trying to impersonate them but lacks any grasp of humour
0 x

User avatar
rattle
Damned Developer
Posts: 8278
Joined: 01 Jun 2006, 13:15

Post by rattle » 05 Feb 2007, 20:42

I loled...
0 x

User avatar
Day
Posts: 797
Joined: 28 Mar 2006, 17:16

Post by Day » 05 Feb 2007, 21:00

I say its tired
0 x

User avatar
LordMatt
Posts: 3393
Joined: 15 May 2005, 04:26

Post by LordMatt » 05 Feb 2007, 21:16

Day wrote:I say its tired
Whoever it is is smart enough not to use his normal IP ;)
0 x

User avatar
Lolsquad_Steven
Posts: 488
Joined: 27 Jun 2006, 17:55

Post by Lolsquad_Steven » 05 Feb 2007, 21:47

MUst be a new dude, WELCOME TO THE FORUMS. :shock:
0 x

pintle
Posts: 1762
Joined: 19 Dec 2005, 16:01

Post by pintle » 05 Feb 2007, 21:52

+1 it makes me lol
0 x

Post Reply

Return to “Ingame Community”