Joined: 17 Sep 2008, 03:36 Location: your imagination
I was a bit bored between classes so here's something I came up with. And no, I'm not planning on quiting my day job. Mostly a combination of tips, for CA and in general, and some humor.
And yes, this is a minute of your life that you will never get back.
You know you are a noob at CA if:
18. You look for the metal makers in the build list but can't find them.
17. You wonder where your com's dgun went.
16. You try combomb.
15. You tech.
14. You nanofarm.
13a. You start by boosting a fusion. 13b. You have 4 fusions and no army. 13c. You have more fusions then you have metal extractors. 13d. You make a fusion where there are a lot of trees. (this is not the time and place to worry about the environment)
12a. You don't know what overdrive is. 12b. You know what overdrive is and you think its a gift from God.
11a. You make no llt in your base and get pwned by a jeffy. 13e/11b. The fusion you just boosted gets pwned by a jeffy. 13f/11c. The fusions you stacked right next to each other chain explode from a jeffy. 11d. You make too many llt's in your base. 11e. You make lots of any kind of defenses in your base. 11f. You make lots of pop-ups everywhere. 11g. You make a depthcharge launcher anywhere. (assuming its a land map)
10a. You look for shields on an arm con's buildlist and can't find them. 10b. You look for cloakers on an core con's buildlist and can't find them. 10c. You get pwned by arty because you couldn't find which of the two above you wanted. 10d. You don't know what arty is. 10e. And now your beautiful porc is dead. 10f. You don't know what porc is.
9a. You spam only penetrators. 9b. You spam only snipers. 9c. You spam only cloggers. 9d. You spam only flash. 9e. You spam only multirole fighters.
8a. You throw your raiders against riot units. 8b. You charge your riot against assault. 8c. You use your assault to defend against raiders. 8d. You think that assault micro means moving them just inside defensive range and then running back away. 8e. You think that skirmisher micro means charging into defenses.
7a. Your team calls you a noob. 7b. The spectators call you a noob. 7c. Your opponent calls you pro.
6. You don't use "L" view because it makes everything too dark.
5. You are worried about hotkeys because that would mean your laptop is overheating.
4. You play on a laptop and use the touchpad instead of a mouse.
3. You wish the wrecks on the battlefield would go away like the bodies in GTA.
2a. Your think that flat balance is awesome because you can nuke rush so much faster now. 2b. You're mad because your teammates didn't protect that nuke for you. 2c. Or your Krogoth. Which is actually a Saktoth.
1. You don't think any of the stuff on this list is really all that bad.
Everyone is welcome to throw out some more examples if they want. Don't be shy, they can't be as bad as some of mine
Zippers do more damage than they appear to. Their laser looks like a pathetic Jeffy-type when it's really not. Unit Guide
imho, the zipper's little pew-pew beam should be changed out for a more impressive weapon-effect. Personally I've always fantasized about them getting some sort of armor-buster weapon like a short-ranged rocko-rocket to cement their role as raiding only sluggish targets (instead of fighting other raiders)... but either way, a more powerful-looking weapon would be nice.
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